The Remains

(special thanks to Lisa who formatted this text for me)

The Remains

Last night I had another dream about you

In my dreams

I have no memory of your death

I have no judgement of your life

In my dreams you're just there

being you -

watching me, being me, watching you.

In every spiritual tradition I know there is a concept

of something within us that survives

after the flesh dissolves

It is the essence of is-ness

It is the pure awareness that is consciousness

it is the soul of a being -

the light that returns to its source.

It can not be found

because it is everywhere

in everything and

I did not know for sure it existed

until I saw it in you.

I saw that “something”

grow brighter and brighter

as I watched you fade away physically

as you flowed into silence and stillness -

as you accepted the Eucharist of surrender.

Two weeks earlier

coming out of unconsciousness

you looked at me and asked if you were going to survive.

“Am I going to make it?” you wanted to know

I promised you

that no one had given up

on your healing -

and you smiled with your hopes intact.

You were and are my sister

My other self

the self I never was

the self I never knew

the self that rescued me

from expectations I could not fulfil.

You were and are my sister -

A mirror, a constant companion, a constant teacher, a constant antagonist.

One year after your death - your transition

I want to believe that light remains

and that It survives in all things because

it is at the heart of creation -

not in the past but in the now.

It unites us in my dreams,

I have dreamed about our childhood;

I have dreamed about our laughter;

I have dreamed about our aging;

I have dreamed about our struggles -

and I never dreamed I would survive you.

Written for Andie...